Utah Blaze

Despite doing my best to ignore tonight's big Utah Blaze/Colorado Crush Arena League Football game, I for some reason paused on ESPN2 and caught a glimpse of the Blaze's logo on a TV backdrop. It's rare to see an AFL logo that is understated and I was impressed with the simplicity of the Blaze logo. My first impression of their logo was very positive but when I found the logo online tonight I soured on it a little bit. I like the flame but the wordmark is a little too mechanical for my tastes.

While surfing the Blaze website, I was surprised to find that they have a dance team. Salt Lake City, if you didn't know, is a pretty conservative city. Women, Mormon or not, typically are expected to dress in relatively modest fashion. So it's surprising to see any SLC residents out in public in this state of undress. This dance team could have come from any of the other heathen AFL cities.

What sets this dance team apart from the rest of the minor league dance teams and places it squarely in Utah is the conservative answers given on their bios. Here is a quick breakdown of the 14 Utah Blaze dancer's Future Goals...

Get married - 6 members - including Laisa (right, great hair by the way) who wants to marry a handsome man and Nicole B. who wants to find Prince Charming

Have/Raise Children/Family - 8 members

Be Happy - 8 members - including Jodie whose only goal is to be happy

School/Career - a surprising 9 members - however many of those are listed after get married and have children

Live in Australia - 1 member - that's a very specific goal Nicole L.

I don't want to judge one way or the other. But while the liberal in me finds it a little weird that most of these young women list marriage and family above career and whanot, I find their decency refreshing when compared to other minor league dance teams. For example the Central Valley Coyotes, a group of girls who may have single handedly set feminism back 20 years.

Team: Utah Blaze
League: Arena Football League
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Arena: EnergySolutions Arena
Mascot: Chief
Dance Team: Harley Davidson Utah Blaze Dance Team
Online Store: At the AFL Store

Central Valley Coyotes

The Central Valley Coyotes of the af2 are one of a growing number of professional sports franchises owned by Native American tribes. The Tachi Yokut Tribe of the Lemoore, California area has operated the team out of Selland Arena in Fresno since they left Bakersfield and changed their name from the super lame Blitz to the Coyotes.

The Tachi Yokut's symbol, like many native tribes, is the coyote. Coyote is featured in a very dignified and honorable way in the Tribe's logo, which is featured prominently on the nation's website and at their casino, where Coyote is done in purple neon (very honorable). So why has poor Coyote had his head decapitated in the Central Valley Coyotes logo? At first glance, that is what I see, bloody entrails and all.

Enough about the logo though, I think it is time for another edition of "Meet Your Minor League Football Dance Team"...

Julie
Julie's perfect date "would begin with a shopping spree," so either you need some serious money or you won big on "Supermarket Spree" in the 80's. That would be "followed by dinner at a nice restaurant, and finally a dance show." The next day you could ponder your empty bank account and consider digging your eyes out with a spoon while watching her favorite movie "Steel Magnolias" and her favorite TV shows, "The Real World" and "Laguna Beach".


Cassie
Cassie's role model is Britney Spears "because she is an amazing dancer and performer, and she still has time for a family." And, like Julie, Cassie loves to shop. So enjoy that cash while you can Mr. Federline.


Brooke
Brooke sure loves her music, apparently she likes "everything but blues". Her extensive knowledge of music history is amazing. Her favorite Old Skool artist: Brittney Spears. Favorite Nu Skool artist: Gwen Stefani. And she loves her grandparents listing her grandfather as her all time role model, right up there with Adrianna Lima because "she’s HOTT".


Brittany
Now you can have your cake and eat it too. Brittany describes her perfect date as "anywhere that my boyfriend takes me." And she offers some sagelike wisdom - "Dont frown cause you never know who is falling in love with your smile." Very wise that Brittany.


Brittani
Filling the requisite dance team role as second Britt-ani-any-ney-eny, Brittani is fun: she enjoys sleeping, shopping and eating". Brittani is driven: her role model - "Paris Hilton - she's the best shopper of all time..." And Brittani is modest listing her pefect date as "someone who is just as cute, smart and funny as me. Hey a mirror (j/k)!!!"


Amanda
Finally, Amanda has already had her perfect date in which "M.G. =)" made a committment to her by giving "a promise ring, that shows that he loves and cares for you!! YEAH IT WAS AWESOME" Good, that gives you plenty of time helping her with her hobby of "Rhinestoning Everything because it makes things more PRETTY!!"


God bless you Valley Girls, and all of you Minor League Football Cheerleaders and Dance Teams. You make community college worth attending. Keep up the good work!

NLL Dance Teams

I think one of the funniest things about Arena Football League teams or, in this case, the National Lacrosse League teams, is the names of their dance teams. They are always so cheesy, kind of like the cheer squads themselves. In the AFL the best example I can think of is the San Jose Saberkittens. How demeaning and lame is that? On the other hand they are cheerleading for an Arena Football League team so how much pride do they have in the first place?

The NLL has some pretty lame ones. Nothing like just slapping an -ette at the end of a word or implying that they really are just a bunch of groupies. I guess I was also surprised to see that the NLL even had dance teams. I guess you have to do something at these games. Anyway, here's a quick list of the NLL Dance Teams...

Storm Chasers - Anaheim Storm
Stingettes - Arizona Sting
Bandettes - Buffalo Bandits - Personally I think they should be called the Band Aids
Drill Crew - Calgary Roughnecks - Ladies, don't let the players start their own "drill crew"
Wild Bunch - Colorado Mammoths
Swarm Performance Team - Minnesota Swarm - Yawn. I was hoping for "The Queen Bees"
Knightingales - Rochester Knighthawks
Hot Rocks - Toronto Rock - What? The Rockettes was already taken?

None of these are as bad as the NBA's Indiana Pacer's dance team, the Pacemates. At that point you might as well just call them "the bunch of chicks we hired to dress in skimpy outfits and parade around for you to ogle but only get paid a little above minimum wage who might start banging the players at any time."